Chapter 8

Over the next few weeks Jon and Mika spend quite a bit of time together. On the rare day off from concerts Jon does press and then comes to find Mika, they generally will go for a walk or go find something in the city to do. They have talked quite a bit about her feelings on his music. He actually was starting to enjoy talking to someone who could give him the ‘fan’ view of his music. They would be sitting on the bank of a river eating lunch when Jon would brush a piece of hair away from Mika’s eye and smiles. “Ok so what song should we discuss – Welcome – why does that one help you?”

“You seriously want to know this?”

”Yes actually it’ll help me understand why certain songs get such powerful reactions and maybe what songs I should put into the set list.”

“OK but I warn you this is your psycho fan talking.”

”Hey at least you talk to me now.” He’d mouth off.

“Brat shut up. OK Welcome, there is a part in that song that goes :

When everybody's in, and you're left out
And you feel your drowning, in a shadow of a doubt
Everyone’s a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say


That song tells me that no matter what if I can accept me and who I am the world can just bite me. So many of my friends or other people in my life think for example I’m nuts for going on the road with you guys, what about my career and how will this affect my life down the road, how will I explain this year away. You know trying to give me doubt and listen to this song and I’m reminded to ignore all of them and believe in me. I think it's a fundamental song to put in the show because there are so many young people who let others lead them into things but if they get this song stuck in their heads because of something you say on stage maybe one or two of them won’t go down that road because they’ll believe in themselves instead.”

“Ok I never realized it could be that much of an impact I’ll put it back in the set list. What about I want to be Loved You mentioned you liked that song or it helped you deal with something what was it if you don’t mind my asking?”

“Oh it's just the chorus rings true.” Mika recited the words to him like he didn’t know them.

I'm gonna live
I'm gonna survive
Don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream
I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna give
I'm ready to try
Willing to lay it on the line
I wanna be loved
I wanna be

”After a bad breakup with a boyfriend this song is really fun to sing at the top of your lungs when you’re frustrated at why things go the way they do. I like it for the very reason that I’ve used it to get some of the pain out. You know it's a way of saying ok this one didn’t work but I still wanna be loved and I’m going to dream of the perfect man and I’m not going to die from this pain and I won’t lock myself away I’m gonna try again.”

“Maybe I should take my own advice huh?” Jon asked. Then threw a rock into the river.

“She did a number on your heart didn’t she?”

“Yes. In no uncertain terms yes. I can tell you the kind of pain I was in the summer after the tour. No one saw me I went to an island in the Virgin Islands and hid out. I only showed my face when absolutely necessary. It hurt to damn bad to know she could throw a relationship this long in the garbage but worse of all I couldn’t really blame her much because she went for the one thing I couldn’t give her, someone with a normal 9-5 job that didn’t travel for his work.”

Mika got brave, she’s not sure if she’s ready to believe everyone you care about doesn’t die, but she had to know if Jon was healing at all. “Are you ever going to love again?” She asked him.

”Are you going to believe everyone doesn’t die that you love?” He countered.